I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
