You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
