I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
