It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
