Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
