I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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