i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
