everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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