Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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