Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
