I just pynch a tree in the face
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
