I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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