I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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