She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
