Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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