the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
