If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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