she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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