i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
