Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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