Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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