he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
