Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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