i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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