My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
