Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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