Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
