I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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