Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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