Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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