Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came so hard my ears popped.
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