do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
