Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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