Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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