your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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