I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
