My cat gives me a boner
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
