2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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