i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
