i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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