Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
