So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
