i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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