why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
