I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
