He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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