I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
