Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
