Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
