i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My bed smells like the plague
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
