Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
