just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have post one night stand depression
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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