I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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