Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
