hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
