I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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