so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
