"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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