Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
