I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
